今儿 Globe and Mail 上的一篇文章很有趣,希望大家没事儿的时候也来读一读。单身的日子，也要讲究生活的艺术。

这个是报纸的网站，文章后面读者们的comments 也很有趣。
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/sto...ifeFamily/home#

下面是原文：

Single-singles and the art of living alone
SARAH HAMPSON

From Thursday's Globe and Mail
November 15, 2007 at 9:10 AM EST

For Christmas last year, Santa Claus gave me a single napkin ring.

Okay, so it was my mother who tucked it into my stocking. And no, my mother, who lives in England with my father, doesn't make a habit of playing Santa every year.

But we were together for a family reunion, and as I am spouseless, she added to the stocking stuffers my children buy for me.

That little sparkly napkin ring was a reminder, as mothers are accustomed to give, about what it means to live alone - it is an art, and it takes practice and discipline.

Before I go further, let me outline the categories of being alone.

You can be single-single. You live alone - divorced, widowed or never married - and are not romantically involved with anyone.

You can be single-double. You live alone but have a live-out squeeze.

You can be double-single. You are married, but your spouse is frequently away.

"I avoid cooking from scratch," a friend of mine reports about her life. She has relocated to Toronto for a job, but her long-time husband can't join her for several months.

"I buy frozen vegetables."

The double-single category also includes people who are alone in their marriage, despite the constant presence of their spouse. (That's an issue worth a column of its own.)

The truth is, each state of living alone has its joys and challenges, none of which changes the fact that you often open the door to a dark, empty place with no one to cook dinner for but yourself.

And that brings me, speaking of single-double Tim Hortons-ish language, to Lisa Summers, author of the semi-autobiographical novel Men are like Mocha Lattes.

Ms. Summers was single-single for a long time, desperate to marry.

"I tell people to embrace that [single] stage in life," she explains now.

Her lesson, she says, was that it wasn't until she made the most of being single that she attracted the man of her dreams.

"The biggest mistake is trying to find someone who is an antidote to that [single] life instead of making changes to your life on your own," she says.

That she uses her celebration of single life as advice on how to catch a man only underscores the stigma our culture imposes on being alone. It is a state to cherish only when in transition to the double life, it seems.

Which is also why there are people who enthuse about their live-alone lives in a way that comes off as falsely positive.

It feels like overcompensation, which only accentuates, rather than diminishes, the anguish of aloneness.

Consider a woman named Marja Adriance quoted in Arianna Huffington's book On Becoming Fearless in Love, Work and Life.

Ms. Adriance thinks it's swell being single-single because, among other pleasures, "I can go all day long without getting dressed or brushing my teeth and no one cares."

I don't want to be a killjoy, but honestly, does that reinforce the love of living on your own? If anything, slouching toward the Frigidaire in your PJs with cotton-woolly teeth should be enough to scare someone into staying married.

Which brings me back to Santa's napkin ring. Does living alone mean you start down the slippery slope of reduced standards? Among other benefits of marriage is that someone else is a buffer between you and yourself, helping you not to fall into bad habits such as drinking too much wine, leaving your clothes on the floor and, worst of all, eating your dinner out of a container as you stand beside the sink.

"A good meal is like a present," writes Jenni Ferrari-Adler in the introduction to Alone in the Kitchen with an Eggplant, a collection of essays on single cuisine.

That may be so, but preparing food for one is the greatest challenge of living solo. The act of cooking is an act of generosity, done for others. It's an expression of love, so it can feel weird doing it for yourself, a bit like culinary masturbation.

"It took me several years of such periods of being alone to learn how to care for myself, at least at the table," admits legendary food writer M. F. K. Fisher in one of the book's essays.

Which reminds me of one more distinction in the single-single category. Being divorced or widowed in middle age is a shade different than being a young single who longs to be married.

You are aware that you may be on your own for a long time, not only because you have learned to enjoy it, but also because you have no delusions about the challenge that marriage presents, and you are not keen to wade back into the fray.

"It's not about standards," one divorced fiftysomething friend of mine, who is single-single, explains. "It's about honouring yourself," she says of her habit of cooking herself wonderful, fresh meals. She also buys herself beautiful flowers every week.

Living well alone is an interesting encounter with oneself. You can hear yourself think. You can watch yourself act. As a result, you learn to really like yourself.

"You have to be comfortable in your own skin," a 55-year-old divorced man from Calgary explained recently. He has lived alone since his divorce 15 years ago.

As my weekly flower friend says, "People who are afraid of living alone have not faced a lot of things about themselves."

I can't say that I am always making myself gourmet fare when I eat alone. I'm more like the single-double (and divorced) man I know in Toronto, who confesses that he envisioned he would "come home from work, check the mail, hang up my manly winter coat, fix a drink made with premium spirits, and cook a nice meal with a real sauce for myself." He sometimes did, but often he'd grab a bite and watch television.

Still, on the nights that I eat quick, simple fare by myself, I enjoy the snug solitude. It's me, my soft-boiled egg, a glass of red wine and my sparkly napkin ring against the world.

你得有经济基础和一个相对固定的异性密友，我在工作中遇见不少这样的人，无论男女，长期缺少异性的亲昵行为，心理和生理会有病变，通常在50岁后发生，一般自己无法发现，待家人或亲友发现，已无法治疗，这能是对症治疗。快乐单身？？

We were talking about how single-singles take care of themselves, not the importance of finding your significant other.
Don't change the topic please.

I never "change the topic". Do you believe you will have or can you take care yourself if you have had no money?. trust me, during my work I saw and heard too much about single-singles without money. These stories teached me, if you wanted to live for yourself or for others, you have had enough money to back yourself. Do you really think someone can enjoy him or her own single live with government aids?

by the way, how many people can live in the society consisting of only man or women? Why most people need to find girls or boy friends? without the another half part, do you believe someone can really take care of self? these are basic of all human live whethe you believe or not?

hope someone expressing their ideal because BG and I are in different side. I think there have so many things to write.

you just wrote what I wanted. you are very well.

No doubt that a woman + a man = Human being (generally to say).But not everyone is so lucky to have a partner-maybe for a short period,maybe for the whole life long.I believe this article emphasises on enjoying or learning to enjoy your time while you are at your single - singles state.

The movie star Joan Chen (Chen Chong) now has a very happy marriage.She said that she was very proud of herself while she was single,she bought flowers for herself ,cooking,doing exercise ,even travelling by herself.

Although sometimes people get used to a kind of "lazy" life style, don't worry, life will absolutely move forward, just follow your star !

I hope when we look back to our own life,we all will feel proud of ourself for this period.

"feeling proud of ourself for this period"? what do you want to express? proud because you were fool to love a man that you shouldn't fall to love and you got out of him now? proud because you wasted your most beautiful life to live with a person who, in fact, tricked your feeling and find your dicision was so stupid to accept and love him. So you show all of others that you, now, are so smart because you find you didn't love him or he wasn't worth of your love? you have a very good single because you need time to forget the man or let yourself believe that you got a very good decision to leave off? don't so stupid and don't feel just like Q. you are just expressing that you are stupid lady because you paid your all life to love a man who didn't love you or you enjoy your single because you like Q to find happiness from your pain. my God!

loser is loser and pain always is pain. don't trick yourself. facing the fact and start again. letting our pasts to become experience to remind us for making same mistaken again.

Your God Bless you !

几天没来，这里还闹得挺热闹。
‘nature and unrestrain...' , 我没有站在你的对立面，不要随便的树敌。忍不住要问，您这两天儿，气还顺吧？

我发此文的本意，不是要探讨单身还是有伴侣的好处，这个题目太大，答案似乎也比较明显，仁者见仁、智者见智。
我只是想说，主动或被动地选择了围墙之外的生活的朋友们，不管你你享受城外的生活、或努力再跳进城内，既然单身是你目前的生活状态，就从中汲取些东西，学会照顾好自己。人生要停靠很多站台，不要在每个停靠站，怨声载道。何不买点儿当地特色小吃，顺便捡拾点儿当地风土人情，然后谋划着这里是不是你永远的终点。（’我老人家‘（Wolaorenjia）是看明白了。）

Life is an art. We should learn the art of lift all life long.

至于是先照顾好自己，还是先找个伴，有点像先有鸡还是先有蛋的著名讨论。

另外，对前面那个朋友的言论，我也不太感冒。
生活或婚姻，用个Loser 或 winner 或 阿Q 就解释得明明白白了吗？ 前提不对，你后面的辩论也没了根基。

至于钱，重要得很。那么是先挣钱，先学会照顾好自己，还是先找个伴？这个好像比先有鸡还是先有蛋的著名讨论还要复杂了。

不过话说回来， 讨论归讨论，别伤和气；否则出局。

我倒觉得那位朋友的比喻还行。有句话情场如战场，现实中因爱杀人和犯法的也有。结婚只是开始，婚后如何保持是一个很难的问题。我的意思是脱离现实的做法不会有好结果。西人多看家庭医生，你的文章的方法属于专家让事中人忘却让他们走极端的变故的疗法之一。人的本性还是一对一（包括同性恋）。性也是一对一的。 我很顺，因为不要婚姻的女士也不少，有份好工作，能给他人安全和稳定感使男人的必需。谢谢关怀！

补充一句，现实中我们还是要有点阿Q精神，我就是靠这种精神，单身一人上学打工，照顾孩子，度过了艰难的岁月，达到一定目标。我不是要反对BG的意见，只是从不同角度看。我在单身打工读书时，也是用些BG文章的方法去振奋自己，但我就觉得不太舒服，不想过这样的生活，这只是我的看法。这只是讨论，千万别出格，或发泄不满。大家业余玩玩打发时间而已。

说说女人单身这件事

“落花人独立，微雨燕双飞”。一个女人独自生活，那是一种很容易让人浮想联翩的状态。她为什么是一个人？她一直是一个人吗？是她自己要求太高还是曾经被人伤了心？难道就没有人肯爱她肯陪伴她肯给她一个承诺一枚结婚戒指？


当然，单身和单身是不一样的。一般来说，年轻女人的单身与成熟女子的单身，给人的感觉是不同的。至少从某种角度上说，年轻女子的单身更像是一个过渡阶段，人们愿意相信她们的未来——她们是那些升值可能性最大的股票，对于她们来说，一切才刚刚开始，即使她们已经有过一些挫折，心中有伤，胸中有痛，那也是完全可以理解的。错误即使沾上青春的边，也会成为美丽的错误。所以，很多人会认为单身的年轻女孩子之所以单身，是因为她们暂时没有找到生命中的那棵橡树。再说，这个世界上，凡美好的东西一般都是“无双”的，所以越年轻越美丽越单身就越高贵越难得越让人心声滔滔敬意——是呀，她宁愿一个人忍受孤独，但是绝不敷衍自己的感情。


我真见过无数年轻貌美色艺俱佳的女孩子，她们越矜持越洁身自好就越受人欢迎，男人们无比情愿地像蜂蝶围绕着鲜花一样去追逐她们，争相跪倒在她们的红裙之下，而她们却做拈花微笑状——年轻的单身是快乐的单身，浪漫的单身，充满着各种各样的期待——自己对自己的期待；别人对自己的期待。


但是，年龄大一点的单身就另当别论了。虽然也依然优雅，不过人们会说“风韵犹存”；虽然也还是才华横溢，可人们会说“曲高和寡”；总之，即使自己过得非常好，非常精彩，但是在世人的眼里，总觉得你的生活是不完美的。就像一片秋天的落叶，颜色饱和，姿态静美，在风中翩翩起舞的样子无懈可击，但是，不会有人认为那就是完美，落叶再美也是落叶。人们会看着你飘零猜测你有过怎样的春天或者有过怎样的关于春天的梦！

其实，一个人的生活并没有什么不好，就像两个人的生活也不见得一定激动人心。从某种意义上说，我甚至认为那些自愿选择了单身的女人，并不是因为她们不优秀，而是因为她们太优秀，她们无法忍受生活的平庸和琐碎，她们自信而勇敢，虽然有的时候她们也会软弱，但是她们能分得清楚什么是软弱，什么是她们的理想。她们绝对不会因为一个寂寞难耐的夜晚，而轻易决定找一个随随便便的男人一同终老。对于她们来说，也许她们是太爱自己了，所以她们不肯妥协。


我记得曾经去过一家服装店，开店的是一个单身女人，性感迷人。她的店里有一件精心裁剪的锦绣旗袍，第一次去开价一万元；第二次还是一万元；大约有一年了，这件旗袍始终没有卖掉。前几天因为过节的原因，我猜想也许她会降价，一来因为过节了，大家都在打折；二来这么久都没有卖掉，估计店家会趁着过节的时间降价处理掉。没有想到，她店里所有的东西都在打折，惟独这件旗袍非但不打折，还涨价了50%！我开始还以为自己看错了，后来才知道是怎么回事！原来前两天店里来过一个暴发户，一通砍价，最后店主决定当场涨钱——她的理由是：我不卖了！


我想单身的美丽和精彩就像这件旗袍，是绝不肯轻易委身于人的。店家跟我说：这又不是一件普通的衬衣一般的裙子，买回去怎么穿都行。我卖给她，她懂得珍惜吗？胡乱穿几次，丢到洗衣机里一搅和，一件旗袍就毁掉了！

现在我依然常常去那家小店，依然看见那件美丽的旗袍，有的时候小店挤满了人，每个人都会去看那件旗袍，但是没有人——甚至是提出试一试的要求。一样东西太完美了就容易这样！旗袍的美是一种孤独的美，单身的精彩是一种“独自站在这舞台，听到掌声响起来”的精彩，那之中有过多少无奈和忍耐呀！

鸡同鸭讲终不明。
唯其不易，愈显珍贵！

一篇曲高清雅的文，但是有点脱离尘世，因为单身不等于没有异性伴侣，在国内，我知道一位同性恋的女子，是我的工作伙伴|（也是我前妻误会而与我分手的原因，我们无顾忌，是因为我们不可能。但她是一个很不错的女士，为了给我一个清白，她向我前妻等表明了她的性取向和她的女性爱人，压力下她只能辞职。她确实是一位有能力和才华的优秀女士），没人能说她不美。但只有知道她是同性恋的人，才知她为何如此高傲，无男士能征服她